Dear Kitty

Dealing with a problem can be traumatic enough but when your problem is sexual in nature it can be even more difficult.

Here, we have taken a number of common problems and laid out some good advice on to how to handle them.

If yours isn't listed, why not contact us and we’ll do our best to help!

1. I’m intrigued by the hype around sex toys but are they for ‘normal’ people?

Honey, who these days is normal?

The British are still renowned for their prudishness and despite the availability of products on the high street (even Boots sells sex toys!) there still lingers, for some, an embarrassment around their use.

However, just because your friends may not discuss their latest purchases with you in the same way as their newest handbag, it doesn’t mean that we Brits aren’t buying – and buying lots!

In their 2005 Worldwide sex survey, Durex revealed that 43% of the UK questioned owned a vibrator and as Teri Hatcher recently stated – what 40 year old woman doesn’t own one?

With such a wide range of toys available for all tastes (and uses) there really is no excuse not to slip a little something into your top drawer (or anywhere else!)

For many women, a vibrator is an invaluable tool to learn how to achieve orgasm – something that for some can still be hard to achieve through penetrative sex alone. In fact many women claim to experience a much more intense orgasm through the use of a vibrator.

Don’t assume partners will feel threatened by their use either – for many couples it adds an additional dimension of fun and naughtiness to their sex lives.

Tempted? Read our toy selector for women to help you make that all important first purchase. Most of all enjoy your new toy!

2. I’ve never bought anything like this before – where do I start?

You need to think about what you want to achieve with your toy and whether you are initially going alone or plan to incorporate it into your love making with your partner.

A clitoral stimulator is always a good first choice as it can be used to help you to get to know your body or as part of an erotic massage routine.

The Natural Contours Superbe is a great choice as it is both stylish and non threatening in design.

Read our guide for the full run down on what toys do what and how to find the right one for you.

3. We’ve been together for 20 years and our sex life is flagging. I want to try something new but I'm not sure how to ask my partner. Can you help?

Communication is the key here. Explain to your partner what you want to try and why and don’t forget to ask them what they would like and offer to reciprocate.

If you’re not sure what you want, why not read some erotic literature together or grab an adult film to discover new and exciting ways to incorporate some variety into your routine. According to a recent Glamour magazine survey, 44% of it’s readers incorporated some form of porn into their sex lives so this is already a great way for many to learn new skills.

Try to understand your partner’s point of view. For example does he think oral sex is dirty? Offer to shower together first or use some flavoured lube to make the experience more pleasurable for both of you.

Take the initiative but be sensitive. Grabbing him when he comes home from work in black leather brandishing a whip may be a little intimidating when he’s used to 20 years of the missionary position!

Start by slowly introducing new elements into your love making. That way you can see how much you both like them before taking them further.

4. I’m planning a romantic surprise for our anniversary. I want something a bit different from the usual flowers and chocolates what do you suggest?

Have you looked at our range of massage oils? Why not indulge your partner in a slow and sensual massage – a great way to re-discover each other’s bodies. Try it by candlelight with some soft music for a real experience of the senses.

Take a bath together - scatter in some rose petals, sip a glass of bubbly and take the time to catch up with each other.

Why not buy her some sexy lingerie and then take her out for dinner. Sneak a peek wherever you can. By the time you get home you’ll both be ready to celebrate in style!

5. We’re always too tired for sex - what can we do?

You need to get back into the habit of making time for each other.

The first golden rule is to think more about sex. Why not go through some old photos together and reminisce on the times when you first got together and remind yourselves of how great the sex was then. Alternatively share some erotic literature at bed time to get you both in the mood. The more you start thinking about sex the more you will keep thinking about it. It’s a bit like approaching exercise – you may be tired when you first start but a few minutes in and you start to feel fantastic!

Take pride in your appearance – particularly if looking after children has meant you have spent less time on yourself of late. If you look hot you’ll start to feel hot – and more confident if the opportunity for a little sexual fun arises. You should be enjoying the moment not worrying about the fact you haven’t had a bikini wax for weeks!

Try a massage or take a long slow bath together - not only will your tired muscles get the loved for treatment but the intense feeling of touch should start to get you wanting more! Spending quality time together will improve your relationship and the sex will follow.

Finally, if you really are pushed for time why not incorporate a quickie into your day. The more quick sex you have, the higher your libido will rise and there’s something deliciously sinful in it’s rawness and intensity. You’ll soon be back to full speed and enjoying every minute!

6. My boyfriend wants to try anal sex but I’m unsure – will it hurt?

The first to remember here is that you shouldn’t feel pressurised if it’s something that you’re not comfortable with. Anal sex however, can be an orgasmic experience for many couples as the anus is an extremely sensitive part of the body bursting with tiny nerve endings.

The most important lesson is to start slowly and lubricate well. In fact add a generous amount of lubrication and then some more. The idea is to relax the sphincter muscles not stretch or tear them. Innuendo is a great product for first timers as it helps to condition the anus.

You might want to start by gently inserting a finger rather than launching into full on intercourse. This will give you a chance to see if you really feel comfortable with the idea although for many the feeling that the act is considered taboo makes it more exciting.. Initially you may feel a little discomfort but if it hurts a lot then stop. You need to relax more before proceeding further and next time use more lubrication and take things very slowly.

Remember to practice safe hygiene – never let him insert his fingers or penis into your vagina straight after anal sex to prevent cross-infection. To prevent the spread of sexual diseases you should also consider asking your boyfriend to wear a condom